Help me hear my soul

Goodbye to all the gracious memories,

That led me to be here, to be on my own again.

Not to satisfy myself but in order to seek love,

To learn how to love and console myself again.

To wash out all my injuries,

All my memories that haunt me till today.

To erode the moment from my life that took all of me from myself,

my joy, my happiness, my smile and my self being

In fact, my body along with my soul and my belief

All the happiness has faded away and guilt covers my whole

Guilt, not for what I did but for what I was forced

Guilt, not for being who I have become today,

But, for losing my innocence.

Guilt, not for being unable to fight

but for being born as a weak, craving  for support

to even stand on my own

Lately happiness has been scaring me,

Feeling of joy is terrifying me

I fear of dark, I fear of day,

I fear each and every seconds when I am aware.

Tears help me wash out my memories;

The efforts I make to shout out loud help me be aware of me

I go insane looking at the lacerations,

The bruises and the scratches, I see

They might heal in long run

 But it has left as a permanent scar within me

Hopes bring out the fear to my inner self

I might be the victim once again

I do hope. It’s not the one that tries bringing old me back

But just to take away the abhorrence I have for my body,

Though I am alive, I don’t really exist within me

I can make my heart understand,

But soul hardly hears me..

My addiction to dark

I am addicted to dark, no light is a fantasy
Past haunts me even more than the night ghosts who scared me
And my heart shouts aloud in pain
I don't know if its pain,
that particular feeling that has always remained
Just Like a crash when you step on a dry leaves
Just that it doesn't make a sound
Heart has been so kind to me,
It gets off and on yet beats without any flaws
I get into pieces every time i happen to review my life
That pieces i know they are the one that glisten on my eyes
Letting them fall will throw my pieces away
Later how do I collect them?  How do I unite? To be stable again
I don't wanna feel them,i wish i could ignore every emotions that i get through
Then its like how i see the first star of a night
I see none when i look up first
And i come to see one
Then, i don't see others,
They themselves make them fall on my eyes one after another
How i wish to throw all memories just how dawn disappears
But as soon as joy hits me, night starts to scare
This is why i m addicted to dark,
no joy, no sense of scary night
So, when past haunts me,
i am more comfortable than the joy that hits me hard

I have a dream

I have a dream to feel at the end that Yes, i have been the one i had ever wanted to be
A dream to sense the truth of life
Such truth that has no added bitterness and no fakes and lies
I have a dream to assemble all the scattered clouds
Bring it together to rain , to clear up the entire sky
So the rising sun can rise with hope and set being free
The next day it gets even higher to let the earth see
I have a dream to keep pushing my soul
Push it till i overcome my desire
till death apart me from my whole
I have a dream to make my life worth living
And when i look back, i can smile at today without regretting
I have a dream to see this world with an eyes that not every one can afford
The eye of a feeling, the eye of perception and the eye that self conquers

Me, the farthest star

Running with a heavy heart,
yet on the same place i land , struggled to find millions of ideas
that would take me a few more yard,
whole lot of tries wasted as it always did
At last i ended up landing on the same place again
My efforts deviating me , leaving me in vain
I thus chose to stay lame ,
no further deeds favoring me to begin
Apart from the idea that takes me nowhere in the end
Each trial being a lost ring in the big ocean
I neither find its end nor it's beginning
I could never put it on to move towards tomorrow 
neither could leave it to be like how i am today
Silently i obeyed life, following its every steps
That taught me the only lesson i previously could have guessed
when you start giving something to someone whoever it is
There arrises no questions on your purity, are you even taking?
World is going on, none of them demand my presence
i could never make place for myself, every try that led me go insane
Every single star i see,
I see them fight to shine as brighter as they can be
Very few they fall off being a wish
Few they chose to stay far and don't even get noticed.…

Forced prostitution, Lets set it free!!

Under the clear blue sky i held my head up
Up to see those creatures flying there
Flattering their wings in search of what they need
I see them keenly, making me feel for a while that they are me

Because i know, within those dark scary room i cant held my head up to see
In front of those money masters whose pleasure i need to be
Yes, i need to make them satisfy, killing myself inside
So, i stare at them , their parallel wings

How freely they fly,
they can move anywhere, wherever they want to be
So i stare at them, Until my eyes hurt
Until they reach that horizon, Until they cross the ball of fire
Leaving my eyes to dark again
Leaving my soul to get scared again
Leaving my body to be played again
I am limited, limited within these bars

I know the way to get out, even i have the keys to be out
But i don't want to open them
I know most of the ones like me who got off,
opened the keys to get to the stars

May be they are happy now But i don't want that happiness
I want to know how its like to be set free
How its like to run without someone chasing you

How its like to be wished for your soul
without your body being forced to get close
my soul in this open air, feeling its presence
my heart getting wider in this brightness

i have burnt my desires, Coated the ashes all over my body,
this is the joy of freedom, i cant resist myself ,
i need to go celebrate But where do i go?
Wings are taking me getting  faster with its blow

But this joy is taking me nowhere
I get hit by the hard rain to be back to the same dark room again
To get rusted there, my desires filling my soul again
Feelings and hopes of setting me free is haunting me every night
Yet i don't want to be a star ,i fear if i be one without getting to see the real world,
Oh, my bad, i wish to be the star, i wish i was the one on the ground ...