The Mask

This is a counterfeit, the mask I have been wearing,

the mask that fakes my sleep when I am wide awake, 
the mask that conceals me when I am all aware.
Pretends how careless I am,
how insensitive I have been.

The glow of my thoughtfulness agitates in a flare. 
Along with this mask, it bursts out into the air.
And to the world I become a vain. 
I be a worthless tiny mortal . 
I be who I’d never wished to be.
A coward and guilt filled  one,
Chock full of remorse,
full of the sensations that aren’t real,
full of the states, that, it should not have triggered.

Though I fear taking it off, the mask that covers. 
The only reason being my reality that I fear .
I fear my existence.
I fear who I have been for decades.
I am frightened by the world I am in.
For someone might sense my inner being. 

I lack the assurance of my admiration. 
I lack the balminess of arms of my beloved.
I am a ring that has just been tossed off of a finger .
The body that dies out of seclusion. 
yet I hid my transparency from the world.
For it might be stepped on.
Leaving it to opaque and a filth, 
I fear taking off my mask for I know what the world wants.

I fear being real for I know the world that’s virtual.
That the world cares the material that is casted off.
So why do I not fake myself?
Why do I let my soul be under the feet? 
The mask is a counterfeit I am aware.
But the world isn’t real either.

the FEELS

I feel so intense being one to be here

Being resolved, being thrown away

And being accused of delusion  

And I feel like I am losing everything 

Everything I had, everything I arranged to make myself

This is fading away, far away

I am shuddering in this frosty cold 

Thunders don’t let me be secure 

My foundations are trembling 

I am losing my wings

They have been so wet since long 

But this rain doesn’t seem to stop 

At least I could stand to walk away into the despair

Where is it taking me??

I sense myself being chaotic 

This isn’t the usual rain 

Hard like hails, its falling on my head

Tired of saving myself from these all

My hands have been bleeding 

They are frozen already 

I need sunshine to dry me up

Dry my muddled red eye 

Free my muddled heart

Join my scattered feathers 

And amass all to create myself again

It might be easy to explore the bewildered happiness,

But the trance that stays but doesn’t please 

It makes you a corpse

A living coarse 

With everything you need but all dead from within 

I am tired of dying indoors 

Living as an abrasion 

I would better lacerate and get lost 

I better get lost indeed than to sense this feel 

into her

Every time I catch her beauty, it intensifies me 

I get deepened on her glare, hazing my reality

Enough to forget to swoop up her memory 

I forget myself too; I forget the world I am in

And she takes me somewhere, far in the island of her love

Not only her glimpses do, every single memory does

The lines on her lips that fades when she smiles

I wonder how the eyes glorify

And the beauty it has, the beauty she has

It makes me insane wondering how beautiful they have been 

And how high they make me feel as she passes by

The colors those dark bloody ones

That’s been adding much more into it

Taking my breath away

Stealing myself from me as a whole

Making me harder to take it anymore

An intense desire drives me crazy

Desire to keep my lips on hers

To feel the softness and a sensation so cold 

I am lost in her, totally vanished

Vanished in my own desire that I don’t want to wake up

Dont want to waste a single moment to get into her

To see myself in her

The only thing that fails to stabilize me 

The urge to be with her is what it is

Kiss her gently and lead a way up to her soul 

And be right there, wishing I could never return anymore

As long as I can sense myself being alive

I have an urge to dissolve into her 

Mixing up so finely that no outer world can see us

Intensifying my love for her

Deepening its depth  

Submerge there forever

Yes, I want to dive into it
into that ocean, far and too deep..

The " haunted me "

I feel like something’s around here

Right here, that’s keeping my senses awake  

Nothing gets into my nerve too much

Too much that I feel like throwing myself away, 

And this kind of feeling grows rapidly 

Too rapidly that I feel like I’m going to expire

I no longer can live here

This bad haunts me like I cant go on

I can’t move on

It swirls my attentions  

A sense of dying runs into my blood

This is the way that it dashes 

Leaves me nowhere but within the darkest

Trying to get the best out of me 

It often notches 

But somehow I manage to find an inner room in me

That’s where I get to store all of me 

Locking it down when I throw the key underneath

I feel a sense of relief

I come back to “ the me “ that it makes

Its keeps haunting me here, but I know i am safe 

Nothing’s changed, I am all shielded 

So, You see me as I am all-good 

But I see me and it is as I am haunted 

Haunted to the best worse that it can be

But I know the way and its how I define me 

How I define the haunted me ...

In search of hope

Massacred from inside, I now lay 

With no reasons to be laid
Neither do I have reasons to wake up and move
What drags me? I give a glance behind
No drive that impel me to go
Not even my shadow
I find it nowhere around
In need of a ray of hope
In need of a push up note
I keep on lying
Stiff and benumbed
Nowadays I don’t fear death
Rather I fear the eternity
I fear the days I ought to wait
To build myself back
When how and where did I get lost
In search of myself I am wasted enough
I wish to face the low limit I can hold on to
Should I have pity on me or should I say it’s my vigor
Cause, I don’t realize I have been there ages ago
Its my outrage may be
I love to combat
Combat with myself
Unless I get the best out of me
I seem firm doesn’t necessarily mean I am
In need of a ray of hope
In need of a push up note
I scream towards my inner soul
No luck, yet I don’t find myself singing
Or anyone who could sing for me
A loud song to assure me my hope