In search of hope

Massacred from inside, I now lay 

With no reasons to be laid
Neither do I have reasons to wake up and move
What drags me? I give a glance behind
No drive that impel me to go
Not even my shadow
I find it nowhere around
In need of a ray of hope
In need of a push up note
I keep on lying
Stiff and benumbed
Nowadays I don’t fear death
Rather I fear the eternity
I fear the days I ought to wait
To build myself back
When how and where did I get lost
In search of myself I am wasted enough
I wish to face the low limit I can hold on to
Should I have pity on me or should I say it’s my vigor
Cause, I don’t realize I have been there ages ago
Its my outrage may be
I love to combat
Combat with myself
Unless I get the best out of me
I seem firm doesn’t necessarily mean I am
In need of a ray of hope
In need of a push up note
I scream towards my inner soul
No luck, yet I don’t find myself singing
Or anyone who could sing for me
A loud song to assure me my hope

Cigar

I inhaled the fumes of a cigar letting the smog get in

to quench my thirsts, craving to get into my spirits, 

my inner soul had purposelessly been floating

Wandering to triumph the inner peace 

Now, every cell of mine dances to its beat 

with the ounce of smoke getting dispersed everywhere

a feeling of totality runs into my nerves 

a need to feel its warmth rests inside me

I am then a lost being, a strange feeling

That I love to take it within me, 

that feels am no more here 

I am not within me 

I puffed out a cigar letting the smog soar up 

Letting the thirst of my gloominess rise along

My Absurd mind loving to guard its innocence 

I wished I could disperse and run away,

Dodge as it swirls up 

Evading all my harshness 

all the suffocations and the mess-ups 

I wish I could mix along, along with its flow 

vanish in a second as soon as I emerge  

in every blow, being a miniature

and end up as vast as the ocean 

Leaving no scars, no remorse 

No mourn and no any grieves

All that is left is an odor

That continues 

Continues to blowout

As a lament of a departed souls...

Mother awaits her son

she hasn’t seen him for long , she, the mother of the only son

her patience awaited till today, in a hope her child returns

unable to withstand lately, her motherhood shouts out loud

“god, it hasn’t been fair to me, he needs to be my cradle now”

the heart of the pathetic  mother stands in a grief 

now, her faith has disguised , she hasn’t seem to believe

though from a death bed, watching the sun as it sets,

she hasn’t stopped praying “almighty, bring my son back to me today”

she knows how she’s been treated, she knows how it feels

nevertheless, tends to live more, even that counts living  as a mentally ill

god had taken her child when she could fight back her emotions

and now she asks god to gift her back, coz she is no more able

she knows she can have him again

she dreams of hearing her son walk up to her,

she dreams of him throwing a heavenly smile 

she believes she can see him before her death just for a while

the world understands not, laughs on her nonsense.

Yet she waits for a miracle before her death

She longs to see her child once, while she is awake

Cruel almighty doesn’t seem to hear the mother’s soul

Only if she could overcome her grief, 

and the truth, she could accept it as the whole.. 

You are my valentine

Whole of the memories that thumps in the wall of my heart

That generates pictures of our togetherness

Since the very first day when you came over, 

Till today, on this auspicious day of our love

Feeling of emergence of joy when you crossed my way 

Do you remember love? 

The only happiness was smiling at each other,

That would make our several days

Roses showered over me every time our senses encountered 

Even the moments we couldn’t express were beautiful

That still gives me butterfly, each time I remember

Pleasant surprises you gave by suddenly showing up 

Those every little things that mattered was way too enough

To grow this feeling in both of us, bringing us where we are today

Do you remember love?

The first time you uttered love to me 

And that is the sweetest thing that you ever said

Day by day as every feeling is getting sharper  

Whole of me want you to my worst as well as my best  

My eternal love overpowering my heart,

Senses a delight to call you mine 

Let me shout out loud today

“You are my valentine”

“You are my valentine”

overcoming myself

I don’t know where shall I start

My esteemed heart has been out of path

In the celebration of freedom, 

I have gone insane out of complete glee

For I have conquered myself from the lattice thoughts

That weariness through which I went

Those creepy flashes, I tried harder to avoid.

I am a queen, red carpet awaits me 

Welcoming my grace, adoring my beauty

My triumph runs through every footstep that I take

All my ruthless memories turning their faces away

Here I come, with a pride within me 

My joy overtakes my every little sufferings 

I don’t pursue them; they are no more in me,  

Not my ambiances, not my priorities

Shall I give a glance to where I was? 

From between a crowd of my delight, a question wanders

It’s none other but the same heart that suffered 

What if I glance and quickly get back?

I know this happened a lot of times when I could get over

A determination in me gathers all my delights 

Overturning the thought right then, and then I proceed

This time its forever

No more looking back

No more vibes 

No further sentiments

Towards only there, where it feels right

Where I get covered with delights

And this time its forever

The determination, the victory

My love for self and the Certainties.