Help me hear my soul

Goodbye to all the gracious memories,

That led me to be here, to be on my own again.

Not to satisfy myself but in order to seek love,

To learn how to love and console myself again.

To wash out all my injuries,

All my memories that haunt me till today.

To erode the moment from my life that took all of me from myself,

my joy, my happiness, my smile and my self being

In fact, my body along with my soul and my belief

All the happiness has faded away and guilt covers my whole

Guilt, not for what I did but for what I was forced

Guilt, not for being who I have become today,

But, for losing my innocence.

Guilt, not for being unable to fight

but for being born as a weak, craving  for support

to even stand on my own

Lately happiness has been scaring me,

Feeling of joy is terrifying me

I fear of dark, I fear of day,

I fear each and every seconds when I am aware.

Tears help me wash out my memories;

The efforts I make to shout out loud help me be aware of me

I go insane looking at the lacerations,

The bruises and the scratches, I see

They might heal in long run

 But it has left as a permanent scar within me

Hopes bring out the fear to my inner self

I might be the victim once again

I do hope. It’s not the one that tries bringing old me back

But just to take away the abhorrence I have for my body,

Though I am alive, I don’t really exist within me

I can make my heart understand,

But soul hardly hears me..

My addiction to dark

I am addicted to dark, no light is a fantasy
Past haunts me even more than the night ghosts who scared me
And my heart shouts aloud in pain
I don't know if its pain,
that particular feeling that has always remained
Just Like a crash when you step on a dry leaves
Just that it doesn't make a sound
Heart has been so kind to me,
It gets off and on yet beats without any flaws
I get into pieces every time i happen to review my life
That pieces i know they are the one that glisten on my eyes
Letting them fall will throw my pieces away
Later how do I collect them?  How do I unite? To be stable again
I don't wanna feel them,i wish i could ignore every emotions that i get through
Then its like how i see the first star of a night
I see none when i look up first
And i come to see one
Then, i don't see others,
They themselves make them fall on my eyes one after another
How i wish to throw all memories just how dawn disappears
But as soon as joy hits me, night starts to scare
This is why i m addicted to dark,
no joy, no sense of scary night
So, when past haunts me,
i am more comfortable than the joy that hits me hard

I have a dream

I have a dream to feel at the end that Yes, i have been the one i had ever wanted to be
A dream to sense the truth of life
Such truth that has no added bitterness and no fakes and lies
I have a dream to assemble all the scattered clouds
Bring it together to rain , to clear up the entire sky
So the rising sun can rise with hope and set being free
The next day it gets even higher to let the earth see
I have a dream to keep pushing my soul
Push it till i overcome my desire
till death apart me from my whole
I have a dream to make my life worth living
And when i look back, i can smile at today without regretting
I have a dream to see this world with an eyes that not every one can afford
The eye of a feeling, the eye of perception and the eye that self conquers