My addiction to dark

I am addicted to dark, no light is a fantasy
Past haunts me even more than the night ghosts who scared me
And my heart shouts aloud in pain
I don't know if its pain,
that particular feeling that has always remained
Just Like a crash when you step on a dry leaves
Just that it doesn't make a sound
Heart has been so kind to me,
It gets off and on yet beats without any flaws
I get into pieces every time i happen to review my life
That pieces i know they are the one that glisten on my eyes
Letting them fall will throw my pieces away
Later how do I collect them?  How do I unite? To be stable again
I don't wanna feel them,i wish i could ignore every emotions that i get through
Then its like how i see the first star of a night
I see none when i look up first
And i come to see one
Then, i don't see others,
They themselves make them fall on my eyes one after another
How i wish to throw all memories just how dawn disappears
But as soon as joy hits me, night starts to scare
This is why i m addicted to dark,
no joy, no sense of scary night
So, when past haunts me,
i am more comfortable than the joy that hits me hard